I can't do much right

Wed 16 April 08

Does anyone relate to animals in the same way that I do? I wonder if anyone could ever understand how important and valuable they were to me, and how black and endless it feels to have had all 14 of them torn away, vanished, by the Mental Hell incompetents who were supposed to help me (Greenfield, MA office of department of mental health.

The sun hurts, because we walked in the sun, and slept in it. The moon hurts, because the dogs and I would go out under it to have moonshadows. Music hurts, because we always listened to it together. And on and on.

Update 24 July 2009: It's more than a year since I wrote this post. I still don't have an apartment. I've been a long, rocky road since this post was written, and you could read more about that on my other blog here, also called mental hell, and on these blogs: soulcast.com/sehnen, mishi's blog on wrongplanet.net, braon and braonwandering on wordpress.com.
There is truly no moon for me anymore, or stars. They no longer exist for me in the way they did for the 55 years that I had animals.